I am typically sleeping when Samaira wakes up in the morning.
Siddharth brings her into our bed when she wakes up and plays with her for a
bit. When she looks at me sleeping, she starts talking to me right away. As I wake
up and turn to her, she talks to me some more and then she falls on me to give
me the warmest hugs I have ever received. No kidding. She does this several
times in the morning and the warmth of her hugs is to die for, even on a hot
summer day! That’s when I say to myself every single time - ”God she is such an angel and is so
loving…please don’t let anything or anyone ever hurt her.”
While I have these thoughts every day, the thing that rarely
occurred to me until recently is the reverse phenomena. The reverse phenomena
being the case in which Samaira may hurt someone. When we judge someone or
resent someone, we have a higher chance of hurting that person. And the thought
that occurred to me only recently is that Samaira could hurt someone too.
Most of us are often too quick to judge others. People who
are not like us, or do not do things like we do make us uncomfortable. We judge
people who don’t think the way we do, or don’t have the same priorities as
ours. In fact, I have felt more judged as a parent than ever before – why do we
feed Samaira what we do/when we do/how much we do/with what frequency we do,
why do we give her certain medicines, why do we not give her certain medicines,
why do we attribute all her shortcomings to down syndrome (which, we absolutely
don’t), why are we not aggressive enough with her therapies, why are we not
potty training her yet, and on and on.
That said, over the last 10 years or so, I have met a few people
who have a much higher degree of tolerance and acceptance in them for people
and things in spite of these differences. I am not really sure at what point I
started to judge, but I have definitely learnt from these people around me to
not judge and to accept more. Interestingly, they weren't necessarily older,
wiser people that I was learning this from. I have met folks both younger and
older than me who have unknowingly taught me the value of accepting with
differences. So today I judge less than I did before. This isn't to say that I
am above it all and I feel the same way about everyone. Because I don’t. While
I judge less, my comfort zone is rather small, and the number of people I trust
is even smaller. It takes me months and sometimes years to let someone in my circle
of trust. And once someone breaches my trust it is almost impossible for me to
ever get back to the same-old. But, even though I may not trust everyone, I judge
less.
A lot of times when we meet someone who is stronger, more
successful, or more popular than we are, it has the potential to result in
jealousy or unexplained non-liking toward that person. There is this whole
world of power girls or mean girls who are hugely popular or influential. When I
was in high school, there was definitely a set of more influential group of
girls that would prevail.
But over the last several years, I have learnt from other (especially)
women around me that presence of someone more popular and successful need
not be a bad thing, or something to resent. I am not in support of meanness here, but I am in support of women & men who are more powerful and successful than I am. I have met some
very smart, successful women who celebrate other women’s success and acknowledge
them, as opposed to resent them. These women helped me get over my insecurities
and unknowingly taught me to celebrate those who are more successful than me. I am highlighting women over men in this case because it seems to be a bigger issue among women than it is among men. I
was never super competitive to begin with, and others’ achievements hardly ever
bothered me. But now I truly understand the value of celebrating others,
something I did not understand before.
My hope for Samaira is that she will be the one to accept
without hesitance and irrespective of circumstances, abilities and differences.
I hope that she will not judge or resent others. I hope that she will not be
the one to hurt someone. I hope that she will celebrate the differences in her
and others and teach someone like me that being different should not
necessarily translate into lack of acceptance.
And now on a completely unrelated note – a very Happy Mother’s Day to all the powerful supermoms out there! Siddharth, Samaira and I celebrated this day at our peaceful (at least for some time, until I picked a fight with Siddharth on one of our usual topics :)) & loving home - so special!
