Moments…

...I love it when Samaira tries to hold my shirt or hold on to me when she is in my arms. She has started holding and sometimes pulling my hair and strangely enough, I love it.

...one of the things Samaira has is low muscle tone. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I held a baby before I held Samaira, small or not. So I never really understood the meaning of low muscle tone. Samaira is obviously a delicate baby and I assume that’s how all the kids are like. Every time I hold Samaira though, she just melts in my arms. I feel so much love every time I hold her.

...Samaira is very kissable. Every time I am around her, I can’t stop kissing her. She oozes vulnerability and love that I just cannot escape.

...I enjoy my alone-time with Samaira in the late hours of night. I may be terribly sleepy, but Samaira’s lovely face has my undivided attention and stare. In such times, I often wonder about the kind of person Samaira will grow up to be. Will she be quiet, a chatter box, a brat, naughty, innocent, loud, subtle, shy, an introvert, an extrovert, outspoken, and on and on and on….? As much as I wonder about Samaira’s personality when she gets a little older, I absolutely love this phase in which she is my tiny-cuddly-little-pumpkin-munchkin. I want the time to stop, right here, right now. I hope her innocence is preserved, for as long as possible.

...I think Samaira is showing me love like no one else has. One of the reasons for me to bounce back quickly after Samaira’s d.s. diagnosis was that she is a tiny little girl who needs me, and I had to be strong for her. The reality, however, is that I need her far more than she needs me.

Moments like these make me want to be a new mom to Samaira a thousand times over. She makes me happy.

Am I really lucky or what!?

I have got to be one of the luckiest people around me to be blessed with an amazing family and an amazing child. Samaira has totally spoiled me and the ignorant-me now feels like this is the life of all the other new parents.

She doesn’t cry much. Sometimes I let her cry a little bit because she doesn’t do enough of it, and it is supposed to make her lungs stronger (my mom’s mom’s tale).

She sleeps through the night, which means we always get a good 6 hour sleep during the night. She has been doing this ever since we got back home.

As much as she dislikes (I might dislike it more than she does) her car seat, she sleeps wonderfully well while we are out and about, especially while driving.

Too much noise doesn't really bother her, and she can typically sleep through it. I wonder if she is able to hear it at all in order to react to it. I think she can. She just chooses to react in the most wonderful way and not be cranky.

Yesterday, was a special day because we took Samaira to watch her very first movie (hindi: Ek Main Aur Ek Tu) in a theater. For the curious minds, she did really really really well. All I had to do was feed her. All Siddharth had to do was change her diaper, twice. That’s it. She didn’t complaint, or cry, or yell during this entire time.

Samaira with Lorax

Above all, how can you not call this the most peaceful face ever!

I keep counting on my blessings!

On 17th February, Samaira completed her 2 months! We celebrated her special day with homemade chocolate cupcakes & coconut and pecan icing on top.

While we celebrated her special day, I realize that we celebrate her every single day! We celebrate Samaira gaze at us with her open eyes, follow moving objects and people, smile when awake or asleep (somehow she always manages to smile in her sleep when something good is being said about her), move her hands and feet in the air, check out her surroundings when we move from one room to the other (or go anywhere else for that matter), and just being there with us. It is all very real. I do often go back to the time when we were in the NICU and the nurse told us about Samaira’s karyotype test order. There is something very unreal about those 10 minutes. Almost like those 10 minutes didn't happen. But everything that followed feels very real.

Life is good with Samaira in it. It is fun spending all my time with her. It will be interesting to go back to work. I have heard of moms who can’t wait to go back to work and moms who can’t stand being away from their babies. I don’t know which way I will go. But for now I am enjoying every minute of being home with Samaira and my mom. I don’t get bored. I am not itching to go back to work, yet. I have a full time job of feeding, pumping and eating, at least for a few more weeks. Siddharth and I have managed to sneak in 3 movies in theater in the last 10 days, I am sure it is a record of some sort. We saw Mission Impossible – something we were planning to see on the evening of 17th December 2011, the evening Samaira was born. We also saw a movie that Siddharth was really passionate about – Underworld: Awakening. For the majority of you who don’t know about this movie, it is a vampire movie. For the handful of you who have seen this movie, guess what I liked about it? Behind the theme of vampires and lycans and humans, this movie is about a mother and her daughter. This mom is trying to protect and save her daughter from the world, something I absolutely loved! Those of you who really know me are probably thinking “who are you, liking a vampire movie?” I know, my thoughts exactly! But I enjoyed it :).

The other thing we have done in the last 10 days is meet with other parents in the community whose kids have been diagnosed with down syndrome. It is inspiring to meet them. It brings a lot of mixed emotions and strength, all at the same time. I have a new found appreciation, and ironically anger, for the inevitable that is not in our control. I now feel differently every time I hear about someone go through something they were not expecting to, and yet they do every single day. With almost an effortless strength and courage. Oftentimes with a lot of joy.

Being a mom has definitely brought out a whole different me. It probably happens to all other moms out there. Or maybe not. I don't know. I feel things I never thought I could. I do things I never thought I would. I love Samaira like I haven’t loved anyone before. And yet this change happened without me even realizing it, like I was always like this. Weird.

Samaira on her 2 month birthday. I love her.