Friday, February 28, 2014

Good times

How could it not be? We spent most of our February in India with the people I love the most. We were all gathered together for my brother’s wedding. My bhai got married to the most amazing girl I have met in a very long time, A! While my faith in God is somewhat shaky, my faith in destiny is un-shattered. I thank the stars that brought A into my brother’s life and therefore our lives. My trip back home made me realize how much I value these people in my life. I trust them blindly, I love them blindly, I cherish them blindly, and I also yell at them blindly. The last one if the biggest sign of my love. Go figure!

I was shocked by how fast my nieces are growing up. They are big girls now.  They talk big girl talks. They have big girl expressions. They love their cousins beyond belief and I am proud of my sister for making it happen! I was amazed at how ‘at home’ Samaira was when she was with my nieces, and at my folks’ place in India. I saw Samaira walk from one end of the house to another end. Without any supervision. Without any company. Just by herself. She owned that space and I loved it. I loved how Rehan showered everyone with smiles all day long, of course given he was well fed. His smiles almost make up for the sleepless nights we go through because he wants to wake up at least a few times every night. Almost. One of my challenges was getting both my kids to play along during all the wedding events, which they clearly did not. As a result, they were either cranky or missing from all the wedding pictures. Welcome to the world of infants and toddlers, which complies with none other. My biggest regret however was not being able to spend enough quality time with my family. I wish I got just one more day with them, or maybe two, or maybe three or four. Talk about being greedy.

There are people that inherently make you happy. I was surrounded by so many such people that it had a certain kind of effect on me. Here is some more context for what is to follow: Any time I have a surge of positivity in my system I tend to make random and sometimes irrational decisions. So I made one such random decision when I went through so much positivity over the period of last month. You know how sometimes there are certain kind of people who bring you down or bring the negative side in you? I get so influenced by such people’s presence that they bring out the negative in me. And I sure hope I am not the only one who gets impacted by such people. So in my positive state of mind, I decided that I will not let such people bring out the negative in me. The reason why this is an irrational decision is because I have no idea how I will make it happen. I made this decision in an extremely positive state of mind. But I may not always be in such a state. Not being negative was easy when I was high on positivity. It is not going to be easy for me on a day to day basis. Since I made this decision, I have had this inner sense of pride in me that makes me want to not give up on this irrational decision. I just don’t know how to make it happen though. I look at Siddharth and he completely baffles me. He doesn’t feel this kind of negativity for anyone, or because of no one. No One. How is it humanly possible? Although the bigger problem is, he does not understand why it is so difficult for me to be like him. His logic is “Isn’t this the right thing to do? Then why does anything else matter?” for him the theory of it is the same as the practical, which is not the case with me. But that is who I want to become when I grow up. So while I will continue my efforts in that direction, I cannot help but wonder what good times do to me! Hopefully. Someday. I will get there. But there is a chance I won’t. For my own sake, I hope I get their sooner than later.

For now I have decided to bask in the positivity of my entire last month. 
THE Wedding - my brother getting married to this amazing girl! We are so lucky to have her in our lives!
My nieces.
My sister & my BIL. All the work they do. All the thoughts they think. All the love they have for us.
My parents. Everything about them.
India. Jabalpur. The green. My parents’ house there.
Noida. Chandigarh.
Songs. Music. Dance.
Lights. Festivities.
Sammy playing 'dholak'. Climbing up the stairs. Walking in the lawn with her hands folded at the back.
Rehan smiling his way into everyone's hearts. Crawling away to glory. Eating like a champ.
Train travel – I have a romanticized version of it in my head and I am always up for a train journey. .
Shopping – thanks to my sister!
People – friends & relatives.
People to be thankful for.
Good times.

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