Wednesday, February 18, 2015

For my own good

My Dad is my biggest hero. A lot of what he says gets etched in my brain. I wish I could capture everything he says in a permanent, easily fetchable pocket of my brain. So I could take out a useful nugget from that pocket whenever I need it. My Dad told me this thing recently. About anger. We all know being angry is less than desirable and it causes us to behave in less than desirable ways. But we focus so much on the negativity that comes with the display of anger that we forget to focus on the root of the problem. The very presence of that anger inside you. People see it when it comes out, and condemn it. But nobody sees it when it doesn't come out. When it stays inside us. When it goes from being a tenant to an owner. That is a much bigger problem than the undesirable display of anger. Because the anger that doesn’t get displayed eats you. The very presence of that anger inside you is what you should keep an eye on. Always.

The thing about anger is that it is one of the worst things that can happen to our attitude and body. It is a bad bad thing. The problem is, we all understand it. We all get it. But we still get angry because it is us being human. But my problem quickly goes from me-being-angry to anger-controlling-me. It decides what I say, what I do, how I behave. Everything. And I have a teeny-tiny problem with this phenomena. With this silly anger controlling me.

The point is to prevent the existence of that anger seed to begin with. Find alternates to be feeling, not just being, angry. The point is not necessarily to succeed in this task. Not 100% of the times anyway. The point is to keep trying. That’s it. In my books, trying is way way way more important than succeeding. Not trying makes me sad. Failure does not make me that sad.

So, how do I prevent myself from getting the angry vibe in me to begin with?

I have always struggled with that thought. What can I morph my anger into? An activity maybe? Sketching. Quilting. Writing. Sleeping. Running. Analyzing. Analyzing what is happening, why it is happening, how to get out of it? Or talking maybe. Talking to someone about what’s getting me to the point of no return. There are so many ways to transform anger into something that is far more desirable. There are so many ways to deal with it and with potentially high chances of succeeding as well.

But getting angry is so much more easier. Why not take the easier way out? Why take the more difficult route of transforming it into something else? Why take the road less travelled? The only reason I keep coming back to it is because the person benefiting the most from this activity happens to be me. If it is something that is doing me so much good then it is probably worth looking into. I understand the supreme importance of investing in myself. So gotta give this one a little more love.

So the next time some inconsiderate driver, who happens to be texting while driving, merges in my lane right in front of me almost hitting me, I will simply slow down. And curb my impulse to honk and flip them and yell “what the **** !?!”  Road rage - not nice.

Or next time my toddler-mutant-ninja-turtles give me some of their action, I will just ignore it or pay no attention to it. Wise people say that the best way to combat the tantrums is to ignore them. Ignoring will ensure that I am not unnecessarily angry and losing my temper at my tiny little angels. 

I am hopeful that I will get somewhere with this attitude.

I do have to give it to Siddharth. He very rarely gets angry. He is a very high energy, on caffeine (when in fact not on caffeine) kind of a guy. On a side note, it comes in really handy when trying to keep up with the toddler energy level. Anyway, back to the point, he is a high energy, high drama kind of a person. But he rarely gets worked up. The actual real worked-up. In which he is angry or upset about something. Rarely happens. I think he is able to do it because he tries to find reason in everything. Well, there lies my problem. He tries to understand why someone did something or said something. He has his bar of “things that are acceptable” and “things that are unacceptable.” But he keeps that bar for himself. Especially because he is high on this-is-the-right-thing-to-do. He does not keep this bar for other people. Not in its true sense. Not enough that it comes in between him and accepting other people as they are. I don’t think I fully get it. But I deeply appreciate it. This one time I told him “they just called you selfish and money minded” or other such untrue adjectives to describe Siddharth’s personality “how can you not be mad ?!” His response completely baffled me in the most positive way because it almost always goes like “What people say describes their state of mind more than it describes me. Their words don’t change who I am . If I get angry then I will be more like them than me. What’s the point in that?”  Makes total sense, Sir. But easier said than done. It is one of the many reasons I respect and look up to Siddharth. He doesn't try to change himself based on what other people say about him. He doesn’t try to fit into their mold. He doesn’t respond to people’s angry-words and that is why he doesn’t get worked up. I think it gives him the ability to be himself. True to himself. Uncomplicated. It is a trait I wish I had. It is a trait I hope our kids have. It is a trait I am extremely envious of. I respect it. I draw a lot of inspiration from him. 

When a day gets windy or complicated and wants to make me throw a fit - not giving in and not getting mad will really help me get closer to the real me. I will try to remember it. Constantly. 

It is for my own good.

Family Time to Rescue...Always

My Positivity

As it turned out, Sammy can use the school bus after all. One way. From school back to home. I have never gone through that drill myself in this country. Or even in India. We never took the school bus because we lived really close to the school growing up. Anyway, so I have never experienced the school bus myself. I believe you build memories in a school bus. Good. Bad. All kinds. Anyway, I digress. On Sammy’s first day of taking the school bus, I was extremely curious. Nervous. Excited. I reached the bus stop 10 minutes early. I took my camera with me. I was thinking that I will capture that moment when Sammy is about to climb down the bus stairs. When the bus stopped, the driver indicated that Sammy is at the back and I should go pick her up. I walked in on a sleeping-Sammy. I unbuckled her from her seat and took her out of the bus. Of course. None of it went as I had planned. She didn’t walk out saying “I’m back!” But it was perfect. The Yellow Bus. Yay!! 

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