Wednesday, March 18, 2015

A whole lot of random

It’s been too darn long. I wrote a bunch. But it didn’t flow. So I didn’t post. If it doesn’t flow, it ain’t so. You know what I am sayin’. By the way, when I hear people pronounce a word by skipping the last ‘g’, I add that last ‘g’ in my head. I have to. I can’t take it. I don’t know why. I need that last ‘g’. Except for my name. I almost un-pronounce the last ‘g’ in my name. So weird. Anyway, now that we have this out of the way, I can think of the other important things in life.

The thing is that I like writing when I don’t have to think too much. Too much thinking is a sign of an unsatisfactory writing experience for me. Not that writing is a mindless act. My mind is very much present when I write. Nor is it a thoughtless act. Because it very much reflects my thinking. But there is a fine (or wide?) line between too much thinking and free flowing thinking. 


It has been way too long.

My mind is all over the place right now. So there will most likely not be a beginning or an end to this post. In fact each paragraph could be its own thing. Like short stories. Really really short stories. I will allow that at the cost of my thoughts flowing freely, because we have established how important it is for my writing experience. There will be no continuity in this post. Disclaimer: Any continuity from one paragraph to the next is purely coincidental.

So what’s new at our end, anyway? 

Siddharth and I have decided to not fight. Ever. It is our new-March resolution. If that is a thing. This resolution lasted for about 5 hours before one of us fought. Key phrase being one of us. In our arguments, we really have just one person fighting. And that is typically me. So in our couples fight, I am normally leading a one person fight. That is because while Siddharth thinks we are having a discussion, I feel like we are having an argument. Our thresholds are so different that more often than not we can’t even agree if we are having a fight. Anyway. Then we re-resolved to not fight. Until we fought again. The point is, we realized that kids are growing up. And our discussions (which could very well be about whether or not we are having a fight) impact our kids more than they impact us. So we are trying this thing called patience. How fancy? Siddharth is not new to it. I am not either. But we are not best of friends - patience and I. We have our differences. In any case, Siddharth and I are trying to not fight. We are succeeding until we fail. Not bad, I say. Funny thing is that now I sometimes try to remember what we used to fight about so much. And I must admit that I don’t even remember. Most of our arguments are silly. They are almost never about the content, and almost always about the tone. Ah, that tone. Siddharth obviously has none of these issues. He is a very simple person. No complicated onion layers to peel. What you see is really what you get. I, on the other hand, need a lot of understanding and a lot of to-be-understood aspect to my personality. I keep thinking of the saying “Understand before you want to be understood.” It is such a powerful statement. I really think this statement makes me a better person. No joke. Sammy & Rehan are turning me into a more cordial person. Whaat !!? Whaaat ?!

Siddharth is really strange because he has a clear definition or standard of what is acceptable and what is not - in life, in general, for himself, for others. But even when people or circumstances don’t comply with his standard, he does not reject them. He accepts them without questioning. I, on the other hand, have a very post-modern view of the world. I am all about subjectivity. Individuality. Respect. There isn’t a right or a wrong. People do what they can, what they want. It is not for us to judge. But in spite of this seemingly liberal point of view, I can’t accept everyone into my teeny-tiny circle with open arms. I take time to build my circle. I don’t have a big circle, because I can’t accept without questioning. Or, at all, sometimes. I don't currently feel the need to cultivate this aspect of my personality. Not just yet, anyway. If I have to work on something, there will be a whole pandora’s box of things I could work on to better myself. I don’t think I will be prioritizing unconditional-acceptance-for-a-whole-bunch-of-people on that list. But I do, hugely, admire Siddharth for having this quality in him. In fact every time he displays this quality, I stare at him with my mouth wide open and a reaction of “Are you sure you are a human? From Earth?” - in the most positive way possible. I respect this quality in him so so much. It is one of the qualities that make him one of the best human beings I have ever come across.

I would be lying if I say that Samaira and Rehan are the sweet angels who are a result of a new born unicorn fart. Because they are not. They can be extremely mischievous and wicked. These days I am a constant complaint-machine about Rehan sleeping at mid-night every night (please don’t judge us). He spends 3 hours going-to-sleep. But boy do these kids melt my heart or what !? I thank my stars that aligned so perfectly to give us these two kids. Specifically these ones. Not slightly different. This exact set. They bring so much joy in our lives. As much as I love to complain about them, I can’t imagine my life without them. Sammy gives hugs that are to die for. No, really. She could kill with her hugs. Rehan has the sweetest voice possible. So just when he has done something wrong, something that might result in me being mad times 10 and him basically being screwed, he will say “Mumma, IIIuvuuuu.” And my heart turns into an ice cream that has been out for too long - cold but totally melted.

I like to see Sammy and Rehan interact. It is one of my favorite things about siblings. Interaction. They want the exact same thing, at the exact same time, for the exact same duration. Even though they don’t really want that thing. In other words, they fight a lot. In fact, every night I am thankful that they have survived each other. In one piece. But somehow Siddharth and I find so much happiness in just observing the kids doing what they do. Without interference. Unless one of them is going to seriously injure the other person, or themselves. We have a pretty high tolerance for such things. I would say that Siddharth and I are quite relaxed (totally a relative term, I get that) as parents. Not as a positive or a negative thing. More as a fact though. Unlike most parents, it doesn’t occur to us to discipline our kids when they are jumping on the couch. In some cases, we might actually join them in this monkey exercise. We do have boundaries. But the point is that our boundaries are somewhat stretched. And they are a moving target. So when our kids interact, and sometimes when it manifests as a chaotic its-mine-its-mine song, Siddharth and I look at each other and smile. Again, don’t judge. Of course there are times when Sammy will baby Rehan in the most adorable way humanly possible. There are times when Rehan is more concerned about Sammy than either of us. He wants Sammy’s attention, he wants to play with her. And it becomes cheesy-cheese overload in our household. I live for that. I would die for that.

Samaira’s latest thing is being a teacher. She acts like this worldly person who knows everything and it is her duty to teach, especially Rehan. So you can always spot her holding a book and asking Rehan “Rehan - can you point at the umbrella buddy?” And when he does, she makes sure to follow it up with “Good job, buddy. I am proud of you.”  Sure Miss Sammy. Anything for you. Rehan’s favorite thing these days is finding out who is happy and who is sad. And why. So he is on a repeat of “Mumma, are you happy?” “Is Elsa happy?” “Where is Anna?” “Is Anna happy?” You get the idea. 

These days it is a thing to diss the princess phenomena. I have been trying to figure out my point of view on it. So I wondered, why are super heroes ok and princesses not? I personally like Ironman just as much as I like Snow White. Well, maybe I like Ironman a tad bit more. I think it might be because of the opposites-attract phenomena. But that is besides the point. I personally am not against the princess phenomena, just like I am not against the superhero phenomena. I don’t take any specific pride in saying that Samaira likes Hulk. Just like I don’t feel the need to hide the fact that Rehan likes Elsa. The problem is not with princesses. Or with superheroes. The problem is that pink is for girls only and blue is for boys only. The problem is that princesses are for girls and superheroes are for boys. Which has now led to another problem. That princesses are not for girls. I really think both are for both. I personally don't want to decide or influence who my kids’ favorite should be. Equal opportunity. Equal privilege. In my mind it works both ways. I do understand parents trying to ensure their kids’ identity as being separate from any princess or superhero. It is one thing to like someone and another thing to want to be someone. Like really be that person. The only person I ever want Rehan to be is Rehan. The only person I ever want Sammy to be is Sammy. But if they want to pretend play with Hulk or Elsa - they can do whatever they want and I will be just as happy. Heck, they can make their own story in which Elsa is best friends with Hulk. Like say, Elsa froze Hulk when she first saw him because she was mad at him. Which made Hulk even more mad and he turned into this giant green man. Which scared Elsa. Until they learned more about each other and found out that they are more alike than different. And they became best friends forever. Not bad, huh. At this point, I will accept royalty cheques. 

Oh man, how I missed writing!

Distracted kids in front of the camera. So typical!

My Positivity

Scribbling on my laptop again. About time.


Jane said...

Glad you're writing again :) I enjoyed your thoughts about how much you enjoy seeing your kids interact.

Tarang Shah said...

Thanks for reading and leaving this lovely note, Jane.

Trapti said...

Random is good. And dude you rock the concept of Elsa-meets-Hulk story ... is Disney club reading this!!
And on a more personal note - really- you guys make resolutions such as "no fighting anymore" ... I wouldn't do that in my wildest dream ... not even with the intention when Dad's saying "I'm fasting between meals" ;)
Good to have you back. I was missing u !!

Tarang Shah said...

Ha ha :)...."fasting between meals"....only our Dad!!